i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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