So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize