There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
