I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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