Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
