its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You took a bar mat shot.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
