When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
