Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
