Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...