have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Blood and glitter go together right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?