I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
