just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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