Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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