just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
