3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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