Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
