I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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