talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
