and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
