Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
