Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
