Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
