dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
