your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
