On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
