exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She swung at the pinata with crutches
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
