My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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