What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
