Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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