no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
