so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
