what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
