Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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