My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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