Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
