bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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