dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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