Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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