Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
