sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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