My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
