I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
