we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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