I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
