So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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