Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
