There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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