Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize