Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just google imaged poop.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
