I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Four minutes until I can fart!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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