i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ttyl tear gas
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
