What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
