Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
