Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
