I'm so fucking centered right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
