this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
