I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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