Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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