Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
