I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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