dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
