How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
