You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
