The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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