The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
