Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
