the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
