there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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