You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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