i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
