Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
