he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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