did you get engaged???
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
