I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
