The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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