I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
