he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
