i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
