And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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