Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I want is dick and wine.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
