Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
