Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
