Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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