You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
