I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
